NEXTonSCENE Ways to Recover from Resolution Wreckage

If you’re like the majority of people, a few weeks ago, you made some sort of plan to improve your health this year. You might even have called it a resolution.

And if you continue to be like the majority of people, to the tune of 92%, your resolve fizzles by the inevitable push-back life sends your way. Be it a rainy day, an impromptu after-work event or a head cold that sends you under the covers, surely deserving unlimited amounts of comfort food and treats.

Sounds familiar?

Then THIS is for you, and NOW is the time.

I know you know this, but I want to tell you again: January 1 holds no magical powers.

It’s a nice date for a fresh start, but there is nothing about this day that makes change any easier. This year will not be void of birthday parties, waning motivation, or whatever challenge tends to kick you off the wagon.

To create the change you want (yes, you create it, it doesn’t happen to you), you need to work through the everyday mundane. It’s when you work through your resistance that you build your new habit muscles.

Days without friction, when things come easily, are wonderful. However, they don’t do all that much to re-wire your habits. Anyone can do well on those days, but it’s what you do on the other days that makes all the difference.

So, what do you do the day your New Year’s resolution seems much less compelling than the delectable foods in front of you? Here are three strategies to help you in those moments.

1. Be presumptuous

Have you ever heard anyone talk about themselves in 3rd person? A laughable sign of arrogance, I’d say - but not if you only talk to yourself.

Here’s the thing. The part of you that made the New Year’s resolution is your “higher self”. The part of your brain that is strategic, logic, can see the long term benefits and ultimately sees to your best, even if that might be uncomfortable in the moment. It can be considered the responsible “parent” if you will.

The part of you that wants chocolate. Lots of it. NOW! Is a more primitive part of your brain. One that can only see what’s going on this very moment, believes your very survival depends on getting everything it wants, and is, well, quite the drama queen. It can be considered the tantrum-prone “child”.

Separating these two aspects of us, and letting our higher self talk to the drama queen as a separate entity, helps us access the resources within us that made that resolution. From that place, we can watch, rather detached, the drama queen have a tantrum and know it’ll pass, know that giving in will do nothing but encourage more tantrums in the future.

So, be a bit presumptuous and talk to yourself in third person (no one needs to know). Maybe even give this part of you a name, like Jenni Schaefer, author of “Life Without Ed”, who took herself out of her eating disorder by separating it from her higher self, and calling it Ed.

2. Be small-minded

It’s all too easy to paint with the biggest brush in the bunch when we set out on a “fresh start” quest. When ambition is high and motivation strong, we tend to “forget” what life really looks like. Few of us have the ability to add a whole lot to our lives unless we do away with something else.

Still, there is always something you can do to move yourself in the direction that you want. As they say, a little bit of something is a lot better than a whole lot of nothing.

What happens when you aim too high and fail, is that you’re almost certain to give up altogether. You get hit with the “what the h**l effect”, indulge in self-condemnation and may not recover from that backlash. However, if you aim low and succeed, it builds your confidence, feeds your motivation, and actually moves you towards your goal.

It won’t be happening as fast as your ambition might want to move, but the important thing is that it does move you forward. While in the first scenario, you’re far more likely to end up where you started - or in an even worse spot.

So, be small-minded. What little habit can you start or change, that done consistently over time, will make positive results inevitable?

3. Be annoying

By far, social pressure (along with travel) poses the greatest challenge to sticking with healthy habits. There are the clearly (even if unintentional) unsupportive people who will push you to eat, whether repeatedly sticking food under your nose or sending you on a guilt trip with food being your only chance for a return ticket to their good graces.

However, the sneakiest and more difficult saboteur to deal with, is our very own internal discomfort with sticking out, causing trouble, or otherwise asserting our resolve in social situations. We may also adhere to the belief that a holiday isn’t really a holiday without a particular food, or that it is the height of disrespect to decline a piece of cake on someone’s birthday.

I definitely made myself a victim of social pressure for a long time. However, when I started to assert myself, I found that the great majority of people and places, such as restaurants, are more than willing to accommodate special requests. I always keep in my back pocket the option to bring something to share with everyone, or suggest a recipe.

As for the travel agents for guilt trips, all I can say is, stay true to yourself and stick to your guns. Their attitude has more to do with their own insecurities than your decision to change. One this is certain, making them happy by compromising your long term health goals is not an even exchange.

So, dare to be a bit annoying. I bet you’ll find that most people won’t even flinch. It’s when you go back and forth on your commitments that people stop listening. Build integrity and trust with yourself, and others will follow suit.

Return to your resolve

Whatever you do, don’t let the next 11 months be wasted just because things haven’t gone perfectly since New Year’s Day.

A New Year’s resolution is really an everyday resolution. Because that’s how most deliberate change is actually created - small steps taken consistently over a long period of time.

Don’t wait for Monday. Don’t wait for 1 February. You can return to your resolution and your resolve any minute of any day. Like this one!

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Veronika Ambertson is a speaker, mentor and coach to the outwardly successful but inwardly struggling with overeating. Having struggled with food issues for over 30 years, she has had opportunity to try innumerable ways to cope and recover. Now that she’s found her path, she is dedicated to helping others to freedom from food obsession. Having spent most of her adult life abroad, Veronika is now back in her native Sweden, from where she supports clients all over the globe. You can find her at www.veronikaambertson.com.